The world, mainly the people in it never cease to amaze me. Not with their intelligence, not their generosity or humanity. Those are admirable and worth noting but unfortunately, I tend to notice the stupid and ridiculous. Never in my wildest imagination could I have ever foreseen such a thing as this being said and made public with so much pride.

PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, you know the guys who throw paint on old ladies wearing furs, have never ceased to amaze me. The basic idea behind the group is very sound and solid, be kind to animals, treat them as you would a person. I feel you, PETA. I love animals, especially when I can keep the sheep from moving too much. That's a story for another time though. Back to PETA, like I said most of their ideas are good, OK, a few of them but the principal behind it all is good. Occasionally, they do tend to go a little to far. The story that follows should prove my point and turn your stomach at the same time.

Earlier in the week, the fine minds at PETA sent a letter to Ben and Jerry. Yes, the two Vermont ice cream giants. What possible gripe could PETA have with Ben and Jerry you ask? Well, it seems PETA is concerned with the treatment of cows, more to the point the fact that a cow, like other mammals, only produces milk when it is pregnant and to keep up production they are forcefully impregnated every nine months. For me that is neither here nor there, I'm lactose intolerant, just the thought of milk makes me fart. As far as the cows go, all I see is a steak on a plate. Anyway, PETA sent a letter explaining how horrible this is for the cow then went on to explain how bad milk is for people. The referenced Dr.Spock, I have no idea what Star Trek has to do with this but the quoted our favorite Vulcan as saying that cows milk can cause anemia, allergies, and childhood diabetes. Apparently milk is also to blame for obesity and heart disease, fried food, smoking and no exercise have nothing to with it, it's milk. Now you know. PETA never ones to present a problem without also presenting a solution, included theirs in the letter. I know you're dying to find out, so here you go......

PETA's answer to the problem....breast milk. Not from the teats of cows but from the lactating mammaries of pregnant women. Not just add it as a flavor but replace it all together. Nice. In support of their solution they sited a a restaurant in Switzerland that has a menu of soups, stews, and sauces made with AT LEAST 75% breast milk. Yummy. Trying to influence Ben and Jerry they went on to point out that drinking breast milk is not strange but the fact that humans are the only ones who drink the milk of another animal is. Weird, but I had a cat that I used to give a bowl full of milk too, was the cat really a human ? Always though Cosmo Spacely, the cat, had too much personality to be an animal. Ben and Jerry, after they realized this was not a joke, threw up and gave PETA their best Capt. Barbosa. "We are disinclined to acquiesce to your request." That means no. No they didn't, but it would have been funny if they did. What they said was, "We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child." To which PETA replied, our point exactly. Cows milk is for baby cows. I applaud PETA for their convictions and their strength of will to stand behind them. Having said that, I will also say no matter how strong your convictions, no matter how passionate your cause, you still need to think before you speak. First problem, you can not force people to change the way they do things just because you want them too, no matter how good your intentions. The harder you push the harder you will get pushed back. Second, has anybody at PETA ever been pregnant? Did they ever pump their breast milk? It's akin to getting blood from a stone, it takes about fifteen to twenty minutes to get eight ounces. On top of that, you can not pump more the second those ounces are out. It takes about three cups of milk to make a quart of ice cream, a cup is eight ounces. Do the math. That's a long time to make a quart, not including the cost. Who is gonna go through that for free? You can buy breastmilk for about 20 bucks for eight ounces, that would make a quart of ice cream about 60 dollars. Who's gonna buy it? Not only that, who the hell is gonna eat tit flavored ice cream ? I mean besides you guys. It's just not right. Although think of the flavors, Nipples or maybe even a root beer float called Mug of Jugs. Interesting, wonder if Ben and Jerry are hiring. I wish this was a joke and I wish it was the first time I heard this but alas it's neither. I first heard about using breast milk for cooking about nine years ago while I was watching the Food network, Sarah Malton used to have a show were she cooked and people would call in with questions. I remember it was pretty close to Thanksgiving and a lady called in inquiring as to whether she could make her holiday mashed potatoes with her extra breast milk. Sarah stopped for a second, apparently trying to figure out if what she heard was a joke then realizing it wasn't answered the question with a yes. I just sat their mouth agape and more than a little sick to my stomach. My ex wife, who was breast feeding our first daughter at the time sat next to me on the couch with a very evil smile as an apparent epiphany came to her. Needless to say, I didn't eat mashed potatoes or anything that could possibly contain milk for the next eight months.

I'm going to leave you to think about this one for a bit and should you think its a joke, please feel free to check out PETAS website . I'm gonna go throw up a little.


  1. Stephanie Barr // October 2, 2008 at 6:25 AM  

    I ended up writing about the same crazy thing.

    "Exactly!" was their answer? Perhaps they should check their water supply for hallucinogens.

  2. Hansgonsolo // October 2, 2008 at 8:50 AM  

    I read PETA three times before I realized I wasn't hallucinating. Even the people in support of PETA couldn't believe it LOL

  3. Hansgonsolo // October 2, 2008 at 8:53 AM  
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  4. Hansgonsolo // October 2, 2008 at 9:13 AM  

    Steph, whats your blog? I wanna check it out sounds like we might be of the same mind, not sure if thats good or just plain sad LOL

  5. Stephanie Barr // October 2, 2008 at 10:33 AM

    I think we were on the same page. We addressed it differently, but we came to the same conclusion.

    I think some of the PETA folks just don't think like the rest of us.