To all of the idiots, morons, numskulls, chuckle heads and dumb asses in the world, Thank you. I mean that with all sincerity and heart felt love I can muster. You serve as an example to the rest of the world. You and your never ending run of ineptitude provide myself and the world with perfect examples of what can happen when your brain cell count drops below ten. You leave us laughing and wondering and provide endless discussion. If not for you, we would all be forced to confront the world as it is. We would pay too close attention to the our fear of being swallowed up by a man made black hole created by the super collider. We would hang on every bit of news about Tom Brady and his boo boo knee and how he is driving Jazel crazy by being home all of the time and asking her to pull his finger. Your entertainment value is incalculable, thank you. Not being the sharpest knives in the drawer you may ask, "I'm a dumb ass but how am I entertaining ?" Good question, I feel the best way to answer that is by presenting an example, so here you go...

The scene opens in MUKWONAGO, Wis, it's early Saturday. Our hero, after an evening of whip its and lighting farts, gathers his girl and begins his journey home. Before he can motor on his way, he realizes he doesn't have enough gas for the trip. Apparently leaving his wallet in his other pants along with his brain, he decides to do the only thing he can. He siphons gas from a near by SUV. While this in and of itself is not stupid nor dumb, it is illegal, but also not the problem. The problem, in this case, is boy wonders eyesight. After pilfering some gas from the SUV, he couldn't see how much gas was in the container he was using. Not wanting to overflow the petrol onto the ground he decided to shed some light on the subject. Using all of his mental acumen, flicked his bic and that's right, set his dumb ass on fire. The resulting blast of flame caused nearby neighbors to call the police and the man was arrested for theft and negligent use of burning materials. The woman was also nabbed for aiding in the theft.

There isn't much I can add to this story, except present a lesson most people already know. Gas fumes are flammable. As long as people continue to forget that, the rest of us will continue to revel in your self attained misfortune. Thank you so much for living at least as long as survival of the fittest will allow. Please keep swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. With things the way they are, we need to laugh.